I say this in an unyielding way…self-care isn’t a trend…though mass media has portrayed it to be so. What I mean by that is it’s not a spa day once a quarter, a quick getaway, or a “treat yourself” moment squeezed between deadlines.
As the American Psychological Association (APA) puts it like this: “self care is an ethical imperative.” A little bit deeper: “…psychologists argue that self-care isn’t an optional add-on to a busy schedule but an ethical and moral imperative for the profession.”
Somewhere along the line, the word (and true nature of it) lost its meaning.
It became just another box to check — another thing to “do” when we’re already running on fumes, or as I like to say in my workshops…overriding our emotional capacity.
But real self-care?
It’s not about escape (though many can engage in “escapism”, that’s really a temporary way to “distract” the mind).
So I submit to you that…self-care is about returning.
The art of how well you return back to…you. To your body’s cues, your values, your internal rhythms; in other words, the parts that often get drowned out by deadlines and demands. It’s about remembering who you are beyond your output.
In my “1-Day Virtual Mental Health Challenge for Busy Leaders” on Tuesday, I outlined that emotional capacity is the unseen edge of our limit that we rarely name, but most feel when it’s been crossed. It is the quiet boundary between doing your best work and losing yourself in the work.
Most leaders I work with aren’t struggling because they don’t care enough.
They’re struggling because they keep over-caring without recharging.
They pour, lead, and serve until the very thing that made them a great leader—clarity, empathy, and vision—gets replaced with fatigue, irritability, and disconnection.
Again, that’s not self-care.
That’s survival.
What Self-Care Isn’t
- It’s not a single event. That’s just a short-term approach, you can’t wait until burnout hits to finally pause and take inventory of your mental health. True care isn’t reactive, (that’s “emergency care”) true care is rhythmic.
- It’s not indulgence or avoidance. Self-care doesn’t mean ignoring responsibility. It’s learning to respond from a place of rest, not depletion.
- It’s not optional. You don’t earn rest by working harder. You protect it and prioritize it because your leadership (and wellbeing) depends on it.
What True Leadership Sustainability Looks Like
Sustainability happens when you stop trying to fix exhaustion with quick fixes and start building rhythms that sustain you for the long run.
It looks like:
- Emotional regulation: pausing before reacting, leading from a regulated state of calm instead of chaos.
- Alignment: revisiting your values so your calendar reflects what truly matters to you.
- Intentional recovery: micro-moments that bring you back to center, examples can be: deep breaths before meetings, walking outside between calls, protecting your evenings (…by not overriding the time boundaries you initially put in place to safeguard your emotional energy).
- Connection: conversations and community that refill your emotional capacity, not drain it.
So if you’ve been telling yourself: “I’ll rest when things slow down…”
this is your reminder (*as i whisper it ever so gently*):
they rarely do.
Sustainable leadership isn’t always found in doing less.
It’s found in being more present and leading from awareness, not autopilot. Because when you honor your limits, you expand your capacity to lead with compassion, clarity, and strength, too.
With Ease + Intentionality,
Dr. Terah
